Chapter 39

I withdrew my hand from his. Just the thought of what happened that night made me feel still uncomfortable and hurt. Stefano noticed it and let my hand slip off his grasp. I saw the disappointment in his face but he quickly hid it. The anger I felt on him last time was slowly coming back. I remember how insulted I was when he left without saying a word. It hurt me- made me feel insecure and broken. I shouldn’t have indulge with something that I know there’s no hope for. "I’m sorry I left. I... I’m never the one to succumbed to desire. Maybe I did when I was young-" "That phrase isn’t gonna help you, Stefano. Tell me. What sort of alibi would you give me just so I could change how I felt when you left?" I hissed. "I was wrong-" "Wrong about what? About fucking your driver?" I cut him off angrily. "Can you just let me explain?" He was frustrated and the fact that I’m so mad right now just adds to it. He combed his hair with his fingers. "Look. I regretted it okay. There isn’t a day that I didn’t think of it when I left you. I was being an ***- a coward. I just... I didn’t think I would feel that way to you." I frowned, suddenly felt confused of what he said. "Elaborate, Mr. Ranallo. You’re the only one who could understand whatever the hell you’re saying right now." I snapped at him. "I mean..." He took a deep breath. "I mean I have feelings for you." ****. Fucking hell. It took a while for me to register what he said. I wondered for a moment if he’s even serious. I find it hard to believe when he’s always full of secrets. Not to mention his blank unreadable face. The silence in our room amplified my erratic heartbeat. It was the only thing that I could hear right now. It was loud, unsteady with a silly rhythm. A stupid giddy rhythm. If it’s true then... "Are you alright?" Panic written in his voice and face. "You’re red." "Shit." I muttered. "No. I mean yes. I’m fine." I covered my face with my hand while the other raised at his face to block his sight of me. "Are you sure?" I nodded. I inhaled and exhaled fighting myself to calm down but every time I see his stupid handsome face, it worsens my state. ****, he’s so goddamn gorgeous. "If you truly felt that way, why did you leave? It took me almost dying for you to say that. " The sadness in my voice did not go unnoticed. "That’s why I regretted it. It takes loss to realize  the truth. To realise the value of what you lost. And I almost lost you and there I wanted to tell you everything. I left because I honestly felt confused. When I woke up that morning seeing your sleeping face, I thought a night with you was enough to satiate my desire. It turned out it didnt. As I stared at you, I realised I wanted more." I kept my silence and just listen to him. I wanted him to finish explaining everything. I wanted to know so badly. "One night with you with no strings attached. I thought we could deal about it the next morning. I was selfish but I was hoping you would agree. I noticed how you see me, Avery. We were both attracted to each other. Why not yield to it? And when you kissed me back that confirmed it." "Is that enough reason to run away?" "Because I don’t want it, Avery. I don’t do relationships. I don’t have time for that." He said with conviction. A strong one at that. I knew it but it still doesn’t help the hurt I was feeling. "I know. You say that. Everyone says that. I feel the same way." My voice drifted into sadness. That was probably the reason why we never worked out. We never really wanted relationship because we have our own priorities. I’m stupid enough to think that it still hurts. I can’t help it. In the end, there’s a part of me that wanted more. My reply shocked and confused him. He must’ve not expected that I never wanted a relationship too. "I went to your office." His face showed that he remembered it. The clench on his fist gave it away. It was the time when Ryker and I kissed at his hallway. I left when I saw him writhing in anger. Now he’s back at being angry again. But I still continued to explain my side of the story anyway. "I wanted to talk to you that day. I wanted to clarify things between us. I must admit. I was hurt. Even if I refuse relationships, I can’t help but think that what we have was more than what it should be. I was confused too. We shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have swayed with my desire too. But we both did anyway and the consequences... I guess I was the one who truly felt it the most." "You have to understand my side-" "I did." I cut him off. "That’s why I came to you. I just didn’t think Ryker would be there." He suddenly glared at me. Just the memory of it made him so furious. "You kissed him." He growled. "I didn’t!" I exclaimed. "He kissed me! Believe me. I was just asking what happened to his face. The next thing I know, he was kissing me. Just so you know, I didn’t kiss him back, okay." "Then why did you run away? It’s as if you’re guilty because you were caught red handed." I groaned frustratedly. "I ran away because I couldn’t do it. Facing you, Stefano, after what happened was hard. And you looked so furious. All my courage to talk to you went out of the window." He looked surprised at my outburst. He looked down feeling sort of guilty. "I was furious. How do you think you feel if you saw me kissing a woman? It may or may not be in the same situation but you get the gist of it." It was my turn to be surprised. Just the thought of him kissing another woman, it made me feel... I scowled at the thought. "You see what I mean. Ryker is not some guy to you. He was your ex and he still has some lingering feelings for you. I should have punched him to death and not let him get away." He spat. My eyes widened. "What the ****?! You did that to him?" I yelled at his face. He winced at the slip of his tongue. "Why the **** did you hit him? Are you insane?" I’m surprised he’s still able to hear from my yelling. "He deserves it. The fucker thinks he can badmouth you that easily. He was so proud that he fucked you all over his room, every corner of it. What do you suggest I would do? Let him get away with his scum of a self intact? No, Avery. If he thinks he can get away with ruining what’s mine... " He suddenly trailed off his words realising his mistake with another slip of the tongue. "What the **** did you just say?" He didn’t answer or look at me. I actually forgotten the fact that Ryker just ruined my reputation. Stefano’s words stuck in my head instead. "What do you mean, Stefano? What do you mean by ruining what’s yours?" I was getting frustrated with his silence that I almost begged just so he could answer me. His head swiftly turned to me. I was surprised with his scowl. "Shut the **** up, woman!" He suddenly leaned quickly to me and kiss me with roughness and passion.