Chapter 45

I shifted at my seat uncomfortably. "Sierra..." Sierra shook her head. "You tell me the truth, Ave. I know something happened between you two. You can’t always avoid me." I sighed heavily. "He went to visit me yesterday. I figured I had to finally tell him that I’ll be quitting work and go back to Chicago. He got mad and demanded me to stay and so we had a fight." Sierra’s eyebrows furrowed. "Why did you just tell him yesterday, Ave? You dropped a big bomb to him. You can’t blame him for getting mad. We talked about this. I thought you’d tell him sooner." She was crossing her arms as if scolding me. "I know. I know." I said exasperatedly. "I was just... It was hard for me to tell him... not when he told me his feelings. But Sierra, I really want to go with my family. I am finally able to be with them with not feeling guilty at all. He ’demanded’ me to stay." I said the word bitterly remembering how he forced me not to leave. "You know... Stefano was finally able to find someone who he can open his heart to. But when he finally did, you ruined it." There was bitterness in her voice almost like a venom. I was surprised that she was defending her husband’s best friend. She was always on my side. This is the first time she acted this way. I felt a pang of guilt just the thought of what went down last night when Ashton called her for help. "I didn’t-" She cut me off as I tried to retort. "Save it, Ave. You’re always trying to fix yourself but you didn’t stop and think that you might hurt someone in the process. Stefano loves you. It’s pitiful to watch him realize that while he’s drowning himself with liquor." She leaned on the table towards me. "And I saw it first hand." Waves of guilt suddenly crashed through me. My throat constricted and my heart suddenly ached with burden and pain. My awestruck face stared at her in disbelief. She leaned back to her seat. "Tell me, Avery. You don’t feel the same way, do you?" I couldn’t seem to face Sierra or looked at her in the eyes. My eyes found interest at the table. My hands clenched below the table. My breaths were somehow shivering and it wasn’t even cold. My heart drummed so loud that it was deafening. "I..." I gulped a huge lump in my throat. "I don’t know." My eyes closed as I have finally let out an answer. I heard her sigh. "I hope you figure out your feelings, Ave. You are my friend... and so as Stefano. I don’t want you two to get hurt. I know you’re still confused and you just had your family back. But I hope you give yourself time to think." I then finally looked at her straight through her eyes. Her eyes were full of sincerity and obvious emotions and it was for a friend who was sitting in front of her. "I’m sorry I bursted out. I’m just worried for you two." She said guiltily. "When I saw him last night, I finally understood why Ashton goes back and forth between you two. I know you know that I’m always on your side but this time..." She shook her head. "I’m not." I took a long pause before deciding to respond. What she said opened my mind. I was feeling like I was as if the victim when in fact, he was hurt too. I shook my head. "You’re right. I’ll give myself time to think. He did pour out his emotions to me but I never answered him. He deserves one for telling me. I also think I’m too consumed with my problems that I’ve become so selfish. I never even cared if I have hurt him in giving false hopes. Thank you, Sierra... for letting me realise this." I gave her a small smile. --- I tucked myself under the covers beside Keelan. After the little farewell party the three of us had, we decided to go home when the clock struck at almost 12.They were nice enough to consider that I have to get a good night sleep for my flight later. It was now 1 am. After Jenna’s shift, Sierra wanted to shop again and she gave us gifts even though she already gave me one. She wanted to shower me again with materials that I don’t even know if I’d use it. I’m pretty sure I’m just going to stay home and make up with the things I missed. She said she’ll miss dolling me up. She never stop saying how beautiful I was and have a perfect figure. I could be like those superheroes having modelling as a sideline. Well, considering I could beat up anyone. I laughed at the memory. She sure had an amazing imagination. After that, she did doll me up with the shopping gifts she spent. We went clubbing. We drank and dance our night away. Sierra, on the other hand, didn’t tell her husband where we went. Jenna and I shared knowing looks when she told us not to spill anything to Ashton. Especially me. We figured the two might have finally grown feelings for each other. Before my eyes closed, though a bit tipsy, Sierra’s words crossed my mind like a flood. They say right at this hour, people tend to think really deeply. I figured this is the right time to contemplate about my feelings towards Stefano. I wondered why I was conflicted about it. My family and I are okay now. That was the reason why I wanted to make things right- to be able to face them with renewed pride. A huge burden have finally lifted off my shoulders. With no more issues and problems to resolve, I should be able to tell my feelings for him too. And then the thoughts of staying with him made me feel unstable. I felt joy whenever I’m with him. My heart beats erratically whenever I sensed him far or near. His presence does that. The unknown reaction would put my mind blank. It doesn’t know what to do. And then I end up being frustrated and mad. His expressionless stupid face aggravates me because somehow I don’t know what he’s thinking. And then his annoying mouth have to speak, demanding tasks like a fucking boss that he is. Well, he does have a billion dollar empire that he runs. And the question finally sunk in. Do I really deserve him? Though people praise me like I’m some angel, it doesn’t change the fact that I was once a druggie. No king would want his queen have a terrible and ugly past. That painful reality slapped me so hard that my heart ached. I like him. I like Stefano. But that feeling would just be fleeting compared to true love. And I’m glad it haven’t gotten that far because I don’t think a low life like me would ever be of match to him. Not even my looks could compare. I closed my eyes reliving the memory of when I first saw him... in that hallway... down on the first floor. He was so handsome in his gray Armani suit. He glowered at me like I’m some kind of pest. He was furious when I almost dislocated his ever loyal assistant’s shoulder. I remembered Carson’s stupid face in pain. It was so funny I feel like laughing right now. Stefano. Your eyes were always so compelling that even if you glare at me, I still find it sinfully attractive. Why do you have to be a fucking billionaire sitting on your throne? You’re perfect. That’s why you deserve someone more than me.