“don’t scare me”

     Episode- 132 “don’t scare me”     Alisa’s POV:         I woke up and my head hurts… I sigh… I was not able to sleep till late…. I got ready and then I remember that he said I can’t go out…. This got me into tears… I fall on the bed as I don’t know what I should do now… I need to get out but how?        I was disturbed by maid informing to come for breakfast…. I refused, I have no appetite……. Not after this… not after losing my freedom     The maid said with worry, “Miss… Sir won’t like this he is waiting….” I don’t care any less…      I replied, “I am not coming.” The maid left… she was disappointed.       I just stayed in my place not moving a inch as I am thinking how my life turned out. I saw the door open, Edwin was leaning against the door and he was well dressed like he was about to head to work… but he was angry….      I quickly sat straight on the bed, I avoided his gaze. He asked, “Come for breakfast, little dove.”      I replied, “I am not hungry….. can I go to work?” I don’t know why  I asked but I want to try……     Edwin looked at me for few seconds, “No you can’t… let’s have breakfast.”      I tried again, “I won’t move out I promise, I won’t call Vic either.. I will be back before 9….”    Edwin said turning to the door, “I am going to office, eat breakfast and stay in the mansion….” he left the room saying that… I broke down again after the door shut… I am seeing my life shattering against my eyes…    The next day,     Edwin’s POV:       She is starving herself form yesterday… sh*t…. I can’t let her go out… what if she plans another escape…. does she thinks that her this act will work against me… when I returned home yesterday I saw her sitting near the window, she didn’t spoke a word to me….. not a single response… I hated it… she rejected to eat this morning as well…    But today I had enough I will make her eat at any cost…. That’s why I left the office early… I threw my bag on the bed and changed into comfortable clothes…. I walked to her room and before I opened the door I said to myself, ‘today I am going to end her childish drama… at any cost’    I opened the door and I saw her sitting her on the bed, she had covered her half body with comforter and her eyes are closed…. is she sleeping…. Sure she is starving she must felt tired…. I walked to the bed and touched her face… she is pale…. What has she done to herself… she should eat when she wakes up     I was about to make her comfortable position… I noticed comforter is wet and red… my eyes widen… I removed it and saw her hand was cut…. She cut herself again….. I noticed the knife near her… S*it….    I hugged her body into my arms and patted her cheeks to wake her up…. I called Ken and asked him to call a doctor…. I covered her wound with towel and kept patting her cheeks, I whispered as  I could feel my eyes filling with water, “Little dove… wake up… open your eyes… women don’t scare me open your eyes… please… Alisa!…” how can she be this stupid?…. I can’t lose her … please… be ok… please……     Author’s POV:     His anger and selfishness led him to his own hell… maybe he looks satisfied earlier but.. he is dying inside…. He is not perfect, he is far away from being perfect… but he will never able to understand himself… do he loves her?... do he wants her to be near him and love for him… if’s it’s not her love then at least her presence is enough for him to be… but he can’t give up on his goals too…. He is too selfish for that … he wants everything he desire at once… but now his unknown nightmare is standing in front of his eyes… losing her… seeing her dead… is the thing he never wanted… he feels too helpless that he can’t breathe… he in   this is the moment he regrets all his actions… he realized his every torture, his every poison word, his every try to control her, his every punishment have reach the limits to her… he pushed his own love to death…. can anything me more horrible for him than this sin he committed… his pain and fear got him into tears, made him cry like a kid… a heartless man who killed hundreds is sobbing tear only by the fear and nightmare of losing her… he regrets everything till now… from disturbing her life to making her feel like this to try to end her life……. he regrets everything…..    Alisa’s POV:     Earlier the same day, (before Alisa attempts suicide)      I am just staring at the window blankly as I am on the bed…. I am holding a knife in my hand…. I promised Ron that I will never do this again,,, but right now I am losing everything I had…. I promise I tried to be strong and be brave, I tried to stay… but I am failing… I lost my Ron, my freedom, my courage… everything is vanishing in front me of my life.. I can’t stay like this… locked in prison… I am done fighting .. and I feel like I can’t do anything… it’s better to end it if I can’t live as I want…. All this time I fight for my identity with my family and now I am fighting with Edwin for my freedom… but I am failing, and I can’t even hate Edwin for doing this to me …. And I have no energy to fight anymore.. I am nothing in front of him.. nothing… I should just end it…. I can’t exist without freedom… I just can’t…. now these tears rolling down my cheeks mean nothing, I can feel emptiness inside me, I feel hollow… but I am in pain…. I can’t express…. I just want to end it all…………. I never wanted to be this weak pathetic person… but he is making me feel one… I just don’t want to live like this anymore…….. this is my breaking point, all this time I rejected the voice inside my brain telling me to end myself but now I am going to listen to this voice and end myself……………………………………