spending time with him

   Episode- 138 “spending time with him”     Alisa’s POV:           Edwin grabbed my face and said, “Pick a book from the shelf… we will read it.” is he letting me choose a book… he is doing that… he raised his eyebrow and I immediately went to the shelf and searched for a book…  After few minutes… I took a book out… it was hard to find a book that I can read in this mess he has… I mean there are lots of book which are preferred by boring and intelligent people…. I will die if I read one of those… they are impossible for me…    I took the book and sat on the opposite side of his…  this books seemed to be about love and I think it is much suitable for me rather than rocket science books…. Edwin sat beside me and pulled me close to him and took the book in his hands…. what is in his mind….        He said as if he reads my mind, “I said we will read it together…” I was busy absorbing this warm feeling coming from this cold and unpredictable person……    He observed the book and said, “You choose this sh*t …. Lee got me this… I wanted to make him toothless that day” I chuckled on his sentence… so he didn’t got this himself…. yes… for his personality this book is too sweat… it’s  about love and stuff….       I smiled at myself and looked at the book, as he opened the book I saw a hand written message… it said, ‘Ed… read this and try to be less rude to us and everyone… we are f*cking done with your feeling less face  get some feeling…. Your friend Lee’        I chuckled at this and I could feel Edwin’s lips touching my head and said, “Don’t laugh at other men’s words even of its written….” I was red and my heart was about to explode… I was feeling something different….     Edwin said, “Little dove, read it for me…” he was moving his hands through my waist and rubbing my belly,, he was smelling my hairs.. I am nervous   I took the book in my hands and started reading him the lines….            *In this endless sea of dreams and these birds which brings dreams…            I stood on this shore…. Like Waiting for you to show up*….            *Never knew this was meant to happen….. me and you together,…          Life was like a bliss with you…. forever with just you*….           They say love is pain…. But if it’s you I gain then there is no pain…    Even if I forget myself… even if I vanish remember to treasure me with memories not tears…     Loving you was my escape from my lonely nights and days… not my fear….     *Fear of losing you,,, fear of losing your blissful eyes and smile….    Fear that makes me weak in front of thousand eyes*….     So,I walked aimless but i* still reach you*….    So, I turned again but I still made it to you….    Maybe I never want to turn again… will you stay?....     Dreams are so baseless…. Making me hopeless…. About me and you… together     Maybe I am coward…. Maybe I am sinner…. But I will always come to you ….even if my dreams are of glass … like broken glass….     Shattering in front of my eyes….. I will fix then with my hands… even if I bleed…. Till I can breathe….    I will always love you… forever…..even if I can’t reach you                               I was deep into the lines, I was feeling them when I heard him… “stop…” he didn’t liked it…. I moved my head to see him, his face was uneasy, he was hugging me more tightly… is he sad about his lover.... maybe I shouldn’t have chosen this book… he is hurt in last…    I asked him, “Are you missing your lover?” he looked at me and shakes his head… I shouldn’t have asked…. I immediately said, “Sorry…. I shouldn’t have…” again I am failing to complete my own words ..    I heard his voice, “I don’t miss her right now… because she is in my heart… that’s enough…….” This made me tighten my fingers around the book… it affects me when he is talking about her… he is serious about her….        I tried to move but he said, “Let’s sleep like this…. this book made me sleepy…” he closed his eyes… I know he is not sleep but he is feeling pain of not having her with him… he is using me as a substitute to ease his pain…. I refuse this,…    I got up from him and he looked at me with raised eye brows… I said before him, “I have something to do… I should go…” I walked out of the room banging the door loud… after I got to my room I wiped my tears which I was stopping from falling….I just whispered, “Why he has to love her?”